Cinderella Syndrome

while growing up, i was always a big fan of movies and basically mostly everything on TV. probably because i didnt have any siblings to play and fight with, yes just in case you didnt notice i am an ONLY child. :D

one of my biggest favorite movies is of course Cinderella. the idea that there will be someone who is going to come and rescue me stick with me all this time, well it has decreased as grew up but it is still there - me wanting my own knight in shining armor.

as i am trying to get my intl law exam done, the movie "Wedding Planner" was on TV and i've watched it a 'gezillion' times before. but still the romance felt real and the feeling of getting someone you love and marrying them is an unbelievable feeling that i would like to experience in the future.

anyway.. my point is that, this particular sensation that i get even after seeing this movie or any feel-good-movie-with-modern-version-of-cinderella-syndrome still gets me. im a sucker for cinderella movies - modern or obsolete. they all have the same idea, there will always be a knight for every "not-so-royal-and-lucky" princess.

*wink *wink

Buncit's birthday

hey ho.. let's go!!!

dont know where i heard that from, i think from one of ramones's song. Mentioning Ramones brings me back to my long lost first love, glad that was over. :D

anyway.. today is buncit's bday, sent her a gift, called to say happy birthday and like usual complained about my day.

went to the last diplomacy and statecraft class of the semester, one excruciating listening period is over (YEAY) and got my second assignment back. the one i did it in a rush coz of false alarm about due date postponement which turns out to be true. spent a couple of minutes cursing AK for not letting me know, but i just cant wait to get it done and over with anyway. couldnt even be bothered to see it again. and it turns out GREAT. my highest achievements so far.

i love my proofreader, pete chester, though he was rushed and only given really late notice, his work really made a difference. thanks for the effort mate, i owe you one. and i quote "cant wait to get shit-faced (hammered, pole-axed, smashed, pissed etc) after my last exam. It's going to be epic".

here's pete reply on my email:
PS: Gracia, your essay was obviously exceptional in content and all it needed was a little bit of polishing in the prose department. Good work! Fucking Kamal and his damn Distinctions...He's got it in for me haha

alrighty, really need to get back to my EU exam.

discussing the role and nature of European Union in the international scene

been trying to structure my argument to discuss EU's role and nature in the international scene. yes this is one of my take home exams. i just dont know why i cant type and let my thoughts flow like the river. i believed i've read enough materials to be able to at least scribbles 1000 words. but im only up to 319 at the moment and im still at the first question.

haiya.. why does it have to be so hard? i am my biggest enemy. i admit im not the most dilligent person in the world, but im not that lazy either. im laid back as i like to put it. thus im trying to see of writing this post will give me the mood i need to continue typing my exam.

In discussing the role and nature of European Union in the international scene, it can be clearly acknowledge that EU is an eminent actor. Its take on the economy and trade negotiations has proven to be its strongest international action. Although many scholars have tried to fit EU into existing theory of international relations, still a formula to fully describe EU's very existence is lacking. Moreover, international relations theory that is commonly used to describes pattern of actor is in international relations could not satisfy this need. EU's hybrid polity and its uniqueness cant fit into any of the prevailing paradigm. However, Sjostedt suggested a system of implementation that pretty much act as a typology of framework to understand EU's identity as international actors through five sets of instruments.

oh no me sleepy.

Setahun kemarin

just wanted to make sure i posted something to mark my one year existence in Melbourne. well if the date in this post says May 25th, 2008 then, it;s a year and a day. coz i was planning to write something on the 24th but something came up :D -good home-cooked dinner by Chris.

one year, i dont even know what to say.
less then 8 more months to go.
Ca yo!!!!
Ganbatte!!!

Cooking project

in the spirit of saving money, i have developed the hobby of cooking and trying new recipes.
there are not the first recipes i've tried but these two made me proud. My cooking is almost decent to be compared to my mom's, since she gave me the recipe and the best cook i've ever met. :D

this first one is called "misoa" basically sinquar soup with rice noodle and egg. trust me it's delicious though the looks is not that promising

and the second one is a mix recipe of jamie oliver and my mom. Honey Lemon Chicken. yum. too bad i put too much ginger in it.

Kasian sekali aku

Gak tau kenapa, hari ini terasa sepi sekali. Semua orang seperti nya sibuk dengan urusannya masing masing, dan aku mungkin harusnya sibuk juga dengan tugas dan take home exam. Tapi kenyataannya tidak begitu, aku merindukan kabar orang orang di sekitar ku dan mereka yang jauh disana. Bisa saja ini terjadi karena aku sedang sekali lagi menunda nunda kewajibanku sebagai mahasiswi. Tapi apa iya, kita gak bisa ngobrol ngobrol di tengah menghela napas dari mengerjakan tugas?

Tapi mungkin bukan itu intinya. Aku memang merasa kesepian dan sendirian. Tiada yang bisa di ajak bicara dan juga tidak punya siapa siapa yang mengajak bicara. Di poin yang pertama mungkin tidak ada yang bisa di ajak bicara terjadi karena aku juga tidak mencari orang buat di ajak bicara. Yang kedua memang benar ada nya. tidak punya siapa pun untuk di ajak bicara karena memang tidak ada yang mencari ku untuk di ajak berbicara.

Kasian sekali diriku ini. Bahkan tumpuan hati dan orang yang paling bisa ku andalkan pun tidak bisa ku ajak bicara. Si dia yang selalu menunggu telepon ku kali ini tidak pernah ada untuk menjawab telepon ku. Mungkin selama ini pikiran ku saja yang gila karena percaya kalau telepon ku di tunggu tunggu, padahal sama sekali tidak. Kasian sekali aku.

Kuat sekali dorongan untuk berbincang bincang dan bercanda tawa. Hampir gila rasanya membendung keinginan dan keputusasaan ku untuk memiliki teman berbincang bincang. Seharusnya bisa ku tepis semua pikiran pikiran bodoh yang membuang buang waktu ku ini. Tapi kenyataan nya aku tidak bisa. Apa salah ku? apa lagi yang harus ku perbuat agar semua ini berubah? Semakin jelas buat ku saat ini, selain kehilangan diri ku sendiri, aku juga telah kehilangan teman teman terbaik dalam hidup ku di tanah terasing ini tanpa bisa ku sadari sebabnya.

Setelah ku coba untuk mengajak orang lain berbicara, hasilnya tetap sama saja, aku seperti orang gila yang kelebihan energi dan bersemangat untuk berbicara mengenai hal hal tidak penting. Sementara orang itu di ujung sana sibuk membereskan tugasnya atau permainan komputernya dan hanya menjawab sekenanya saja. Kasian sekali aku.

Adakah yang juga merasa begini? Ku rasa tidak ,mereka semua terlihat bahagia dan antusias dengan kehidupan nya masing masing, apapun bentuk kehidupan mereka. Kalau hanya aku saja yang begini, berarti memang aku masalahnya. Kasian sekali aku.

Pelajaran berharga yang kupetik dari kejadian ini. Ketika hasrat dan dorongan untuk berbicara begitu kuat, janganlah mencari cari orang untuk di ajak bicara ketika aku tau aku tidak akan bisa menerima dengan lapang dada respon ala kadarnya. Jangan berharap semua orang juga antusias untuk berbicara dengan ku.

Buka mata mu lebar lebar BODOH!! Mana mungkin ada orang yang begitu antusiasnya mau berbicara dengan mu!!

Kasian sekali aku.

It's a Blessing

i recently complained to a friend about the things that i don't have at the moment, building a relationship with HIM- who i seem to be having problems forgetting- and someone i used to consider as my best friend.

a friend told me to be grateful of what you dont have at the moment. It is all a blessing. Simply because having them in my life would only add up the complexities and burdens in life.

a positive way to look at things.

someone like HIM

after not being able to get a good night sleep because of the EU ASEAN presentation that i had to do today, i was once again rejuvenated by a lecture. i got the passion to learn and believe that i actually enjoy and want to study.

It was all because of Nick Bisley. He is now an associate professor in la trobe uni and was formerly monash's diplomacy and trade program manager. i didnt get the privilege of being in his class room and being able to absorb all of the knowlegde out of him this semester, cause he moved to la trobe just at the time im starting taking his units here in monash. i am missing out a lot.

i was just so amazed on how i cant stop writing due to this flow of information coming out of him, yet it was only a one hour lecture, something that i havent done in the past year.

it is actually sad to see that the enlightment came this late in my study but, i reckon it's better late than never. i was so caught up with my frustration of having a bad to so-so lecturer that led me to believe that i am not really learning anything or not being able to learn anything. i should have snapped out of this along time ago, but i didnt, not until now.

how can i not ask for more, when you have these set of lecturers that have the experience, abundant experience but do not know how to teach properly whilst of the other side you got this really good speaker and knowledgeable lecturer that triggers you criticism and makes you want to learn more. i definitely opt for the latter.

unfortunately this last option is not readily available anymore in monash, so i gotta ask around and see my chances of actually getting in one of Nick's class in la trobe uni. wish me luck guys...

the point that im trying to make is that, i am so thrilled and mesmerized and rejuvenated by attending a lecture of such brilliant and vibrant speaker. i can only wish more of my lecturer now are like that.

coming to lecture should trigger me to want to learn more and more, not the other way around.

ps: Thank you very much for giving me the motivation to study again Nick.

Procrastinating

Satu lagi pertanda bahwa saya ini suka sekali menunda2 pekerjaan dan kewajiban.

Pertanyaan2 di bawah ini adalah pertanyaan dari bulletin board di FS. tapi karena gengsi kl ngisi juga di FS, tapi tetap tergoda untuk mengisi, maka di buat lah di sini. :D


1. Lagu pertama yg lo dengerin hari ini?
* lupa..

2. Lagu yg lagi lo dengerin sekarang?
* Bob Marley and the Wailers - Get Up Stand Up

3. Lagu yg bikin mood lo down?
* Glen Fredly - Januari

4. Lagu yg bikin lo semangat?
* Muse - Starlight

5. Lagu yg pengen lo kasi ke seseorang?
* atas usul bowok, lagunya Afgan. Judulnya gak tauk tapi ada something about your smile.

6. Lagu yg ngebuat lo inget mantan lo?
* Boyz II Men - Seasons of Love
* Adam Sandler - Grow old with you (yeah rite!!!!)
* Peter Pan - Mungkin Nanti (haha so lame but so true!!!)

7. Lagu yang lagi sering lo denger?
* Andra and the BackBone - Surrender

8. Lagu yg pengen lo nyanyiin berdua sama pacar lo nanti?
* Dewa 19 - Aku Milikmu

9. Lagu yg ngegambarin keadaan lo 2 minggu yg lalu?
* TLC - waterfalls

10. Lagu yang lagi lo cari cari dari dulu?
* Xavier Rudd - any of his songs

11. Lagu sepanjang masa?
* E17 - Each Time

12. Lagu sedih yg ngebuat lo bangkit?
* Glen Fredly - Tega

13. Lagu buat keluarga lo?
* Will Smith - Just the two of us

14. Lagu buat temen temen lo?
* Ello - Pergi Untuk Kembali

15. Lagu yg mewakili perasaan lo sekarang?
* Coldplay - Fix you

16. Lagu masa SD lo?
* 4 Non Blondes - What's up

17. Lagu masa SMP lo?
* Green Day - When i come around

18. Lagu yg bisa buat lo jingrak jingrakan?
* Arrested Development - Honeymoon Day

19. Lagu buat someone special?
* i can skip this one for now

20. Lagu yg ngebuat lo percaya kalo suatu hari nanti lo akan mempunyai
kebahagian bersama mantan lo?
* hmmm.. gak ada kayanya yah.. yang sudah berlalu.. biarlah berlalu

21. Lagu remake yg paling keren menurut lo?
* setuju sama aka Cake - I Will Survive

22. Lagu masa SMA lo?
* Gigi - Ku ingin

23. Lagu yg mengingatkan lo pada masa indah lo?
* /Rif - Radja, Bunga

24. Lagu yg ada di special moment lo?
* Andre Hehanusa - KKEB

25. Lagu sountrack film yg paling bagus?
* The Wonders - That thing you do, All my only dreams
* Dream Girls - Dreamgirls

Ketika tiada kata yang bisa menggambarkan apa yang ku rasakan

hehehe..

setelah di sadari, hanya ada satu posting blog ku yang berbahasa indo. maka ku buat lah satu lagi.

kali ini posting nya gak akan panjang panjang. karena intinya memang singkat.

jadi karena peristiwa hidup dan pengalaman ku yang hampir setahun di melbourne ini begitu mengesankan. aku terjebak dalam kebisuan, karena tidak bisa mengungkapkan apa yang ku rasakan dengan kata kata.

i know the next thing im gonna say is gonna be cheesy, but it is true. setelah menonton DVD hasil paksaan dan bujukan seorang teman, gue akhirnya menemukan kata kata yang bisa menggambarkan dengan jelas perasaan gue. simpel saja kalimatnya, dan bunyinya seperti ini:

"i am no longer treated like shit because i know how to manipulate people in my relationship. but what is the use of being good at manipulating people to your needs when you can no longer have an honest relationship. it is just not worth it"

persis seperti apa yang kurasakan.
apa gunanya bisa mendapatkan segalanya ketika tidak ada lagi kejujuran di dalamnya.

social butterfly

a very interesting afternoon chat with a friend led to the comment that i am perceived as a social butterfly to some.

social butterfly (dictionary.reference.com) means: a very sociable person who flits from one social event to another.

it is said that my social and networking skills are the most obvious of all and this is suppose to be an advantage for me since im getting whole lot of new networks and meet new people easily while others might find it hard to engage and sociably interact with new surroundings.

as a habit, i again ask my all-time online buddy, buncit, if this was true. am i like this? she came up with answer that is diplomatic in my opinion, mainly because it was labour day there and she was in a hurry to go to a party. so she said that i can be but not all the time. explanations were omitted cause she left.

what bothers me the most is that, how come i dont feel the advantages of this particular expertise in my life? or at least this last year of my life. i came across major difficulties in engaging with people and most importantly the people that i think might have the potential to be important in my life.

it is not a matter of me not being able to meet new people and talk to them over drinks and beer. i can still survive that particular conversation, BUT, the next step is what's missing. everytime i find someone im interested in, thus i develop the desire to engage more, so that i can get to know more, i got stuck.

at one point i was so frustrated that i had to just stay silent was not able to provide any reply or feedback. what is wrong with me?

some argue that i am this "social butterffly" yet i am not so sure that i am. or at least at the time being, i cant feel the effect of being one. or am i exactly one? social butterfly, one who flits from one social event to another may not necessarily constitute any in-depth engagement with people. just someone who hop on and off parties and functions without building the sense of belonging and attachment with any group. if this is the case, i am one and im suffering because of it.

i want an in-depth engagement with those i see as potential-future-longlasting element to my life. how do i get it?