end. beginning.

I have been wanting to post this piece since last year. As events occurred and as the process rolled. But i just could not do it. I have to many burden and fear of how this might turn out.

It all started with fear of doing nothing. fear of being left behind and fear of not being where i want to be. So i left and went straight to where it was comfortable, thinking that even if i got stuck there, at the very least, I chose to be there.

We make plans, the universe (or God or some prick) altered your plans.

It turns out, what I have become is nowhere near enough. A year goes by, another 6 months flies.

Throughout this journey, I enjoyed the stay, the environment, the people. I even tried all different kind of things to get me by. Old things, new things, all in the hope of finally reaching another level in life where your path is clear and that you do not need to look for anything else.

You were tempted by new opportunities, swayed with what the future holds as you venture through new horizon. But still, it was all just a phase and there is not future behind it.

At one point, I reached rock bottom. A place where i thought i would never be in. A place where nothing you do works, no matter how hard you try or fight for it.

What is even more unnerving is that you found out why all time, people pass you by, opportunities pass you by and you would be left thinking where the hell was I when all this are happening.

Up to here, I've been praised, put down, encouraged, discriminated, alienated, motivated and provoked.

I decided not to wait any longer. But i also do not know on where to go and where to start again.

The fear that i left behind came back haunting.

I decided to let everything go as it wants to go. Come what may... Que sera sera...

accompanied with persistence I tried everything.

yes. everything.

even those i said i would never tried.

i have lowered my expectations and put my ego aside. prepared of what may be.

The first attempt of an impossible scheme gave hope, as i manage to get a bit of my self-confident back, but the next phase was a bust!

The second try of an impossible scheme managed to gave me going all the way to the last battle. I said to myself, i better start writing all this down, but i still cant. the fear of dissappointment lingers causing me less and less quality sleep.

Finally, the day came. the day which made my mom doubted my achievements (although i am still waiting be convinced that this is an achievement).

I got in.

the second scheme pulls through, after being said to that if i were to get in, that i am either incredibly good, or incredibly well-connected; after having to convince myself that it may not be all that bad and that i may not be all that stupid; after having to hide the fact that i am not busy with anything except running schemes; after having to take up marketing and sales gig.

Gosh... now i can finally exhale...

Just so you know, the end of this leg of the race in my life is the beginning to a maybe dark, twisted, despicable place that i have to go through for the rest of my life.

I can only hope that I can stay sane and focus on what is important.

ps: i got a fortune cookie as i was waiting in vain for the announcement, it says

"You are offered the dream of a lifetime. Say yes!"

:P

This goes out to the (senior) ladies

I was on my way to my regular weekly basketball game with the boys, and found one amazing and exciting sight.

I found a basketball court filled with basketball players (of course) consists of senior ladies and gents. And by senior i mean those players are probably in their late 50's or early 60's.

I was like "YEE HAA" grandma!!!!

I had to sit for a while to hold my excitement and was actually entertained by their lay-ups and jump-shots. I even cheered (out loud) for them which ended up confusing them. But seriously. how often do you get to see senior's still dribbling it these days? Moreover, a bunch of senior ladies dominating a basketball court and kicking it like they didnt age at all. RARE indeed!

Come on people, lets just be reasonable, to find a basketball court filled with boys or men or grandpas can be classified as common, but grandmas? this is something else. i even find it hard to see other female players in my weekly game. this definitely made my day.

Now, dont get me wrong, i dont mean any disrespect towards them, in fact im filled with joy for knowing that even at that age, or when i am that senior one day, i can still rock a basketball court.

Too bad i didnt get a chance to take pictures. but im sure you get the gist. :)

Pentingnya cek air radiator

we can never tell what's going to happen. but be sure of one thing. if you are, my friends, driving and using a car on a daily basis, be sure to check the water on you radiator. be sure to fill it up so that your journey and schedule for that day runs smoothly.

i was on my way to get the so-called best cheesecake in town when i found the car i was driving stopped and its ignition was not working properly. FYI, i was on a flyover exit and you can bet i was definitely blocking the way. the car behind me had been honking his horn since the car stopped. but once he saw me pushing the car to the road side, he immediately walk out of his car and gave me a hand - and so does two other very kind gentlemen on a bike which happen to pass by. it turns out chivalry still exist.

after assuming that there is something wrong with the car's battery, and after some friends franticly came to our rescue, it was found that the problem lies with the non-existence of water in the radiator - which is bad news for cars both automatic and manual. However, it was a relief that this was the problem instead of the battery.

the ignition worked after being cooled off. i get to go home but the plan to taste the so-called best cheesecake in town vaporred with the hot steam on the car's radiator.

the lesson thta needs to be learnt is that to ALWAYS check the water on your radiator before you even use the car and leave the house.

Last (Melbourne) Supper

cant believe it's happening. me going back home in less than 3 days.

i gathered my besties for dinner, a nice peking duck dinner at Old Kingdom. it was a treat and a memorable night. Thank you for coming out guys.

i just realized how much im going to miss Melbourne and of course you (crazy) lads. :P

Satu Tahun

dedicated for the dearest Sonti Girsang.
since im not that much of a writer, here is a piece by Santi Hendrawati, my dearest Mom, for my dearest Aunt. May you rest in peace.

Mama ….
Di sekolah kami diajar Guru menghitung hari
Satu tahun ada tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari
Di rumah, Mama juga selalu mengingatkan kami
Satu tahun, ada tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari
Setiap tahun, sampai kapan pun, kata Mama, akan selalu sama
Satu tahun ada tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari.

4 November 2007 - 4 November 2008
Kami hitung, ada satu tahun, Ma …
Tetap ada tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari
Hanya saja, tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari tahun ini, tidak sama lagi
Tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari tahun ini, harus kami lalui
tanpa Mama di sisi kami lagi.

Sampai hari ini, Mama…
Masih rasanya kami tidak percaya
Sulit rasanya kami cerna
Mama demikian cepat mendahului kami
Sungguhkah, Mama tidak lagi bersama kami?

Kami rindu tawa Mama
Kami rindu canda Mama
Kami rindu teguran Mama
Kami rindu debatan Mama
Kami rindu pendapat Mama
Kami rindu hiburan Mama
Kami rindu semangat Mama
Kami rindu ajaran Mama …

Sungguhkah Mama tidak lagi bersama kami?

Tiga ratus enam puluh lima hari tahun ini. membuka mata kami
Begitu besar sosok Mama dalam hidup kami
Begitu mulia limpahan kasih Mama bagi hidup kami
Begitu tinggi harapan Mama kepada kami
Begitu sabar Mama membimbing hari-hari kami
Begitu dalam wibawa Mama di mata kami

Sungguhkah Mama tidak lagi bersama kami?

Tidak, tidak, Mama …
Meski Mama tidak kasat mata lagi
Mama tetap ada di hati kami
Mama tetap hidup dalam jiwa kami
Mama tetap nyala semangat hidup kami
Mama tetaplah obor pemandu hari-hari kami
Terima kasih Mama …
Kami percaya Mama bahagia di rumah Bapa
Kami yakin Mama senyum melihat kami,
Bapa, Abang, Adik, saudara dan semua kerabat
Berkumpul, berbagi, berdoa, rukun-rukun sebagai keluarga

Selamat beristirahat, Mama …
Sampai jumpa di suatu saat nanti.


Dengan Sayang dan Cinta kami,

when you are away

i always knew that when you go away from home you are bound to miss events, food, friends and even your old room.

being in Melbourne for almost 16 months now, i have missed several birthdays, one too many weddings, dirty cheap food, sweating like pig in the middle of the night and the "ceriwis" talks show.

you eventually adapt and adjust to not having those around, and probably because you know that you are going to go back therefore you dont really feel like you missing out that much.

however, again, i hate being away when this event happens. Funerals.
this is the second funerals i missed since im away. not to say that i like and look forward to attending funerals but how can you get over the fact that you are away when someone you know and care passed away?.

i dont get a chance to say goodbye, i dont get a chance to be there for those being left behind, i dont get the chance to see them for the last time.

how do you cope with it?
out of all the things you missed when you are away, this is probably the most uneasy, difficult and discomforting feeling.

today, my cousin died. he left behind a wife, two toddlers and a bunch of family that cares about him. we may not be the closest cousin ever, but he is my cousin. we shared memories, histories, good and bad.

i used to hope that one day after all of the diseases that has crippled him, he would rise and get better and then he would provide me with the possibilities of meeting "Aksan Syuman" , he used to be Dewa's drummer and his buddy back in junior high school, my all time favorite guy. Guess this is not happening.

Rest in peace, Bang.

ps: i handed out my assignment, did tutoring and manage to survive my presentation - it wasnt that bad after all. i Didnt quit and i did get most of the votes.

My first gingerbread

Who ever thought that getting something at the beginning of class would made a difference to your usually-boring-class. Simon got me a gingerbread boy today as a token of appreciation of the bintang - indon beer - i gave him on monday. the class was not as boring.


i didnt expect to get anything back simply because i got an extra beer, since pete didnt show up. it was kinda cute, he gave me the bread with a letter, well sort of a note with quadrants that shows which one i should read first and signpost of which quadrant to go next. i was smiling all through the class. i didnt see it coming. i was going to ask him whether he enjoy the bintang, but didnt really think he would do something about it.

so here's the gingerbread, the blue background is the note..


he wrote in the note,
Dear Gracia,
I am sorry if this is not how you spell your name. if it isnt; you should consider changing it to the above. it's nice. please proceed to quadrant 2.

2) i would like to thank you for the beer. it was a lovely thought and appreciated very much. I had the beer with my dinner last night. i cooked. baked beans toasted-. quadrant 3

3) sandwiches with a side of fries - purchased - it was an international meal of sorts. in honor of the beer i decided to branch out and cook you something. -->

typically aussie: a gingerbread boy. it will look like the ones you buy from coles but it is not. i baked it. wrapped it. everything i did. Enjoy the lecture.

Simon


hahaha.. i cant stop smiling when i read the note. he insisted that he cooked the gingerbread and wrap it himself. with UNIQI packaging details at back. but the best part is that it's 97% fat free.. aouhhh.. how considerate... hiihihih

i greatly appreciate his efforts. it's nice to know that there are still people that appreciate your attention.
Thank you for the gingerbread simon.

even funnier, i almost got jakub cracking out loud during the presentation today, cause the back of the packaging has these written on it:
Q. Why did the computer go to the doctors?
A. It had a virus!

Q. What do you take before a meal?
A. A seat!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the play ground?
A. To get to the other slide!

Q. Why are fish so smart?
A. it's because they live in schools!

Q. What colour is a burp?
A. Burple!

ha ha ha ROFL.
it's been a fun night. now, i gotta go back to my essay.. yikes..

Blok M

I finally got the mood to write about "Blok M", this is an Indo restaurant at Prahran (read it as Pran). Its name was derived from an area in Jakarta filled with busses, street vendors and street singers. The place you go to see the real "hustle and bustle" of Jakarta.

The owner's name is Sisco a.k.a Pa'e. I usually or say almost every saturday stop by there to have dinner and cheap karaoke cause the place has a stage with guitars and minimum sound system. Nevertheless, it was enough to entertain me (at least). I consider it as cheap dinner + karaoke, all for AUD $10. The most important past is that i get to sing my heart out. hehe.

As i went to Blok M recently, i realized that what's going on there is not as "all it cracked up to be" when you dont have 3 things. Yes people three THINGS. i dont know why, mentioning 3 reasons for everything sounds sophisticated (feel free to mock but it's true).

ONE. the crowd.
when you go to Blok M without your "entourage" you will be a minority, thus others in the restaurant would be the ones creating the atmosphere and laughing here and there, making you feel alienated in a way. When you got your "entourage" with you, you will be the one setting the atmosphere, thus making it more comfortable for you.


TWO. the food.
what you order is essential in making sure that your meal fulfils your expectation and actually satisfy your desire of good indo food. to be able to make sure that you get what you paid for, to my knowledge, there are only these 5 menus that you can order.
(1) Tongseng - higly recommended for those who loves spicy food, basically most indo does.
(2) Gule Bakar "LeKar" - it's not on the menu but it is definitely GOOD!

(3) Nasi Goreng Babat - they make it as spicy as you can handle it.
(4) Sop Buntut GORENG. notice the emphasis on the "FRIED oxtail", the regular version wont be as good. trust me - there's a reason why im overweight.
(5) Ikan Bakar - the chili will make you sweat and scream for more.
and if you are lucky, they might get "Kikil" on specials of the day. I was! ha ha.


THREE. the Band.
it all comes together when you have a band entertaining you all night long. as for me, it helps when i can entertain myself and others with my singing - i have always wondered what my life would be like on a stage HA HA..-

there people, the three essential elements that you need to have in order to guarantee your night at Blok M, without which it will not be the same, again at least that is what i felt today.

Tedy Hasyim

just got my hair cut. i hate it. i just waste 30 bucks for nothing. stupid me. well i thought i was going to get Tony as my stylist, but guess what due to my spontaneous impulse to cut it today, i got some chick instead.

and she is not that good. DARN it, i should have gone tomorrow.

well cant do a thing about it. i was gonna put up a pic of my new hair... but with this thing, i dont think so.

HUH.

i tell you.. never.. cut your hair at LianaJames.

i miss TedyHasyim. cant wait to get back home and get my hair done properly.

Berakhirlah sudah

J: Hi Gracia.. how are you goin?
G: good! and you?

J: not that busy in the morning ya? oh, i also need to tell you since that it is not so busy anymore, we decided that we no longer need your help for monday. so today will be your last day.
G: oh i see. (blah)

seperti judul di atas, selesai sudah masa masa ku menjadi 'welcome girl' di student service centre hueheuheue.. but i havent taken a picture of myself working maybe later when gaby gets here. hiks .. hiks...

sebetulnya sih saya gembira tidak harus duduk dengan bosan lagi di belakang meja ini, gak harus menjawab pertanyaan2 bodoh orang orang dan tidak harus menjawab caci maki orang dengan senyum.. tapi... sedih karena berakhir sudah masa masa mencari seseuap nasi dan segenggam berlian. Cari dimana lagi kerjaan modal senyum dengan gaji lumayan di sini?

YEAY....

hiks...

and the picutres of my boring-overpaid-days.see how serious my work is.. ha..ha.. this is when i was checking out stevie wonder tickets..

and here are the ruler of the welcome centre. Me and Gaby.

Courtesy

i dont know why this stupid thing still pisses me off. i cant help wondering why? what were they thinking? is this what the world has gone to be? to be honest, none of this is my fault or my doing, but i just cant help noticed how people can just be so F*&^%$^ ignorant and rude. maybe im in the wrong place and the wrong time.

paid off

my results are out. im happy, although for my intl law subject.. i am not so thrilled. im beginning to hate lawyers..

first my prize was not in the amount that was promised and now my grade. HUH.. but i guess the second one was totally my fault? haha.. i refuse to believe so, i work my ass off for that one. HUH. hehehehehe

Jessup Moot Court Winner

Hard work paid off, we won the battle. ladies and gentlemen, i can now proudly pronounce that i have participated in the Jessup Moot Court competition in Monash Uni and WON. yeehaaa...
my international law and policy unit gave me an opportunity to try out for this year's jessup moot competition. the memorial submission will be counted in my second assignment mark and then we had to do the verbal presentation after all exams are over. the result of the verbal will not be accounted into our mark but there are prize money for the winner, ehm.. for me. This all happened in H2.22 Monash Caulfiled Campus, Saturday June 21, 2008.

i would also like to give my appreciation for alamo and mita for their help in making it all happen. Couldnt have done it without their help.

just look at my face, this was taken after my speech, which explains the blur effect from my still-trembling hands, thus i feel the need to take a pic after my speech. i look disoriented dont you think?

Just a little background for those who is not familiar with Moot Court competition, so it is pretty much like a debate but in a court setting, kinda similar to ally mcbeal and boston legal where there are 2 sides, one respondent and one applicant -my team was the applicant, a.k.a The Winner *cheeky mode on* - and we would act as so called lawyer and would have to defend our case pleadings and hope that the ICJ (international court of justice) rule in our favor. as in a debate we also have adjudicator, but in moot it's called judges. I went as first speaker for the applicant. can you believe it? i was never a first speaker, yet i won this one as a first speaker. really need to consider a carrier as first speaker.

below is the judges, andrew from Monash uni and Jadranka from Melbourne uni Law School. pretty scary eh.. but they are really nice (hahahaha i probably wont say this if i had lost).


too bad no one was able to take pictures during the speech, since everyone was pretty much caught up with preparation and rebuttals. but these are some picts i manage to capture on recess.

Let me introduce you to the team. Here are Pete and Jakub (the second speaker) - the Boyz -

and these are the Gals - Majella, G! (First speaker) and Sarah (the third speaker)-

and here's a pict of everybody, the winning team, our lecturer Alice de Jonge (in the red robe) and the respondent (the other team)
cant believe i can actually be happy after spending a saturday at uni, one of the best days of my staying in Melbourne. Even more so, i went all night long and didnt get back till 6am the next morning. so what happened was after the whole thing was over, we all went to tabaret across uni and grab some beers, had dinner at thai safron (my first real meal of the day) and went to jakub's luxurious apartment (in st kilda, looking at the st kilda marina) cause he wanted to drop his car and change clothes and then we all cruise to richmond and went bar-hopping.

Gosh, it was my first experince in a real OZ bar, no asian around, amazing. The first bar was called 'Post Office'. Loaded with tall people which makes me feel like a midget. The place was not too big, rather small i may say. The second one was Public house, still small, lots of broken glasses, no bogans yet. And finally, the last bar, Swan hotel. this is where i can see various socio-economic condition in OZ. the carpet was sticky, a bit smelly, bad acoustics used by the live band. The highlight of my night was when a guy - a drunk guy - asked me to dance. of course i said no, but since we were standing on the dance floor and he was dancing, he brushed my but. im like WTF? and no i didnt brush his but back, i stepped aside and let him slide. dont want to mess with a drunk guy, mainly a bogan.

Just when i thought the night was over, i was wrong. After the swan, Jell asked me to hang out at Damien's place and help him finish his red wine since he's going abroad soon. He got a really nice apartment, spacious and heaps of wine although he doesnt have the view of st kilda marina. Stayed there till 5.30 and went back home. I was going to take the first train home, but Jell wont let me, she was going to pay for the taxi. I didnt let her, we ended up sharing a cab. She said that if they are your friends, a true OZ, they wont let you go back home alone on that train. If they did, they are not your friend.

Some of the boys i hang out with always put forward the "equality" principle when it comes to taking a girl home. They would argue that you wanted emancipation and equal rights therefore you should not expect boys to take you home to your doorsteps. After yesterday, i can say that argument is just mere excuse for their laziness. Nothing to do with equal rights. At least a good friend, a gentlemen, would make sure that you get home safely.

I cant believe how i happy i am, i even dance when i walk. This is a good thing.

Setahun kemarin

just wanted to make sure i posted something to mark my one year existence in Melbourne. well if the date in this post says May 25th, 2008 then, it;s a year and a day. coz i was planning to write something on the 24th but something came up :D -good home-cooked dinner by Chris.

one year, i dont even know what to say.
less then 8 more months to go.
Ca yo!!!!
Ganbatte!!!

SNOW!!!!!

another day to celebrate one of the greatest day in my life.

i took a trip to Mount Baw Baw, 3-hours drive from melbourne, to see snow. the night before on a cafe near Melbourne Uni, i was told by the owner that there's nothing to see there. No snow, no skiing, felt kinda dissapointed but still up for the trip.




on the contrary.. it was worth it.. tons of snow, cool skiing ground and even snow storms. jeezz.. cant hope for more. it was the perfect day to hang out in the snow hehe... Cut decided to come to melbourne in a heart beat and was lucky enough to get a place.



so the drive there felt long mainly because the night before we hung out till late and went to bed late while we had to wake up early to be at Robert Blackwood hall at 7pm. but once i saw the snow, man... it was like im in wonderland. finally, after years of wondering when will i see snow... my time has come to feel it hehehe..

got my self walking boots, pants, and a jacket to keep me from the cold and a toboggan (one of those small slide). and i was ready to go. didnt try skiing though, saving that for another time, because of the possible injuries that might occur if i try to do it.




i dont even know how to describe how i felt anymore.. it was exquisite, exciting, fun and joyful. to be able to have so much fun with my best friends and to come home with such awesome picture (courtesy of kincling and ario) and ended with a lovely dinner of pepper and salt BBQ pork spare ribs at chinese caulfield.

definitely the highlight of my stay here in melbourne so far.

the end of the fifth week

cant believe it's finish. 5 weeks of fun time and joking around has ended. sad, happiness, relief and confusion suddenly cloud me.

happy that i dont have anymore IAP and finally get a chance to free myself from javanese language, sad because i would have to spend the extra effort if i wanna hang out with the clayton gang. relief that i managed to finish the task eventhough it was not as satisfying as i expected and finally i dont know what to do for the holiday.

gosh.. you would think that living abroad is such an exciting experience to all extent.. but im starting to doubt it. especially that im extremely petrified of what's ahead. assignments... writing assignments.. will i be able to do it and finish it and get good grades.. i know writing is not exactly my greatest quality.. but i want to try yet afraid of failing. cant i just present my assignments verbally i can guarantee you that it would be 10x better that my writing.

but maybe i have to stop looking at it like that. when will i improve if im myself is certain that i cant do it. look at me.. im writing in english as im typing this. ironic isnt it?

i dont know that to do.. as usual the same old saying.. just deal with it.. suits me best i think.

just so i remember.. the chances of getting a fling is slimmming. i dont know why. im just a picky, self-indulgent prick i think.