the kid in me

starting from this point on, i will mostly write about what i feel towards HIM -whose name should not be mentioned hence i should really try to forget about him- in this blog. the main reason being is that buncit is really, really, really, seriously, really getting tired of me talking about HIM all the time. although in my defense, he is not all i talk about all the time, but when it comes to the topic of guys, well.. im guilty as charged.

as i was trying to finish the second part of my international law exam, everytime i heard an sms on my phone (isnt it weird to hear your sms on your phone? but anyway you are smart enough to understand what i mean, i couldnt be bothered thinking of a proper way to describe it), i was hoping that it would be from HIM. *cheeky mode*. the first two was not, but finally there was one from him. the content was nothing about me or asking about what i am doing at the moment or trying to engage in a conversation, BUT, it led to a conversation. or at least i decided to call instead of texting him back thus made a conversation out of it (im pathetic arent i?). the whole conversation lasted waaay longer than i had expected (say bye bye to new boots).

i was going to pretend my signal failed and hung up so that i wouldnt have to spend money and just use my optus yesTime, but i decided not to. remembering that i dont really call anyone that much anymore and i am still paying the cap full amount and i was really enjoying the convo and it would be such a turn off to do that. so it went really long. longest so far and it was nice. i mean we get to have a decent conversation, he gets to talk, i get to talk, we get to argue a bit not much (which is usually unlikely to happen), he gets to give me an advice and support and i get to tease him and still give support. :P anyway.. im just a happy kid at the moment. it's like getting a massage at the end of a busy day at work. im so easy to please arent i?

however, approaching to the 50th minute, we might be running out of topic and obviously both of us were tired coz of the preliminary olympic round game this morning, i still managed to put forward my 'two cents' on his behaviour towards me. i said it was lovely to have a conversation with him without wanting to kill him (at least this is how i feel), hence i always wonder why this does not happen when we are around each other. peace and a good convo happens either over the phone or the internet, pure presence would start third world war. of course as usual he didnt really answer my notion and since i suggested that i might be the one being too sensitive about it, he jumped into the opportunity and tells me that it's just me. although i've consulted several witness and they all agree with me that he DOES treat me differently.

a friend reminds me that i should no longer look for approval from those who does not deserve it at the very beginning. but can this thing with him indicates that? i dont think so. but it does indicates my curiosity about how he perceives me and what makes him treat me differently. i was just thinking as i said to buncit that the only thing i havent done to kill my curiosity is telling him how i feel, but this may never happen as we all know it. im just not that stupid, or probably not yet. the last time it took me 4 years before i finally did something like this. i couldnt help noticing how he has the potential to be the "one", but the question remains whether he is the one for me. now, i dont want to get head over heels in this one but let's not get carried away. i dont even have positive feedbacks on my effort (i assume i made efforts, numerous efforts to indicate my feelings, or so i believe). i shouldnt be dreaming of anything more than his courtesy and his friendship.

im such a kid this way. wee... gimme candy...