not BOMBASTIC enough

in the effort  to furnish my diamond and pearls collection, i stumbled into the thought of selling my writing or the end result of me rambling. so i approach a "reporter" and submit a what i would think of as a compelling story about human life and its misfortunes.

With bold intentions and fired up spirit i put forward the idea and got this as a response : "the idea behind the story you wish to write lacks what we called the X factor. people dont want to read about someone who had experience fire twice, but if that person has experience fire five times, now that is a story".

my reactions, in chonological order, was "i hope you dont have to go through it the near future", "drama is what the media seek", and "misfortune will not make the media if it is only experienced twice, yet once is bearing for most people, but certainly not for you; five seems to be the lucky number"

despite of my willingness to push through and be persistent, i postponed my intentions and mourn the fact that when speaking about the media, jumping hoops dont cut it, one need to at least die and live again five times.

satu tahun sudah.

i believe acknowledgement needed to be put into how i manage to still be sane after 365days in this hell hole.

please refer to this post http://cerita-usang.blogspot.com/2010/11/end-beginning.html for further understanding.

just so you know, the first year celebration was a blast!!  beer, beef and besties was served!

im so ready for another year!.

boo yaah!!!!

in limbo

they say that writing can also cured troubled hearts. or at least this is what i hope to happen to me.

i cant seem to shake of the feeling that i will continue to be in this state of feeling that im in now. mostly because i, sort of, predicted that the end result will never be a win win situation.

although my identity is unequivocally blatant about who i am and where i come from, yet my self-belonging towards tribal or race attributes remained neutral, or so i believe. i am always in between. between cultures, between religions, between paradigm and sometimes between men (ha ha).

the condition of "being in between", provided me with a semi-objective point of view on things and a victim for most things. i dont really get accredited on any occasions simply because i walk it but cant talk the talk.

vague. i know.

but what i am trying to get at is that, how do you deal with the thoughts and assumptions inside your head from this condition. to be an extremist or a fundamentalist only translates into clarity, yet being "in limbo", like me, translates into endless adjustment and no-clear-cut answers for every occasion.

im talking about being trapped in a modern world, where you are no longer captivated in one small tree or one small village or even one small nationality and cultures. your travels and experience transcend way beyond simple virtue of doing things  where you only adhere to one set of wisdom/norms/rules/dogma.

again, how do you go about it?

alternative one, you pray. when in doubt human pray. ask for guidance from the divine. and hope for the best.

two, you learn from experience of the elderly. with respect and admiration towards their journey. we learn to avoid their mistakes and advance on their tips and tricks.

three, you repeat steps one, two and three.

in my case, steps one, two and three lacks one thing. in the event that step one and two collides, which one triumphs? 

we are taught to learn from the elderly, listen to their advice, but never to cope when their judgements are made from obsolete considerations towards today's challenges.

we are taught to believe in God, yet when things collided between humans, we dont preach the teachings of God but simply execute human laws. human rarely forgive and love or live life like Gods. we immediately draw the line on how human errors are not acceptable therefore it needed to be punished especially when it doesnt concern us personally. in the event that it does affect us, our errors are not acceptable.

we learn so many things, but none on how to bridge those differences between what is real and what we really feel.

for some lucky riders, their life are clear cut, they are thought that way. but for me, it used to be, but no longer. i have been exposed to a hostile community, a bullying society and a rigid, conventional traditional values in the midst of my modern and democratic life-long education.

my question remains, how do you go about when values - you are taught to believe - collided? which one prevails?

especially when both play a fundamental role in shaping who you are today.

do holler when a bell rings.

A wedding in September

Supposedly the inauguration of two love-birds into holy matrimony.

Dont get me wrong, it was a spectacular event for the newlyweds, but not so much for the guess particularly those who were families of indo-chinese decendants.
Let me just say, i too, before should be blamed for judging and throwing comments at the event. My apologies, but today i managed to shed a light into my small brain and realized that it was unnecessary.

I should start by declaring that it was not a typical indo-chinese wedding, since it was not a seated-dinner arrangement and there were no chinese dishes whatsoever yet it was, IMHO, a fabolous party.

1. The food.
Hail to PePeNERO for serving some of their finest food for the wedding. As a guest, my pallate was amused with the range of pizza, pasta, salad, bread, calamari and fruits provided, not to mention an open BAR of liquor boooyaaaaaaaaaaaah that will keep on being served until midnight.

For me or those big fans of cucina italiana, the food is heaven and you simply cant ask for more of what's being served. But not with the indo-chinese relatives, they first complained for not being able to find rice, and then moved on to tasteless food, in their humble opinion.

2. The Venue
Im not much of a wedding-goer, but this is my first time attenting a wedding in a classy, decent, delicious italian restaurant considering that this is an indo-chinese wedding, this wedding is AWESOME. I must say i didnt think that this was possible.

Indonesians do away with Balai Kartini, Hotel's ballroom, garden houses, beach party, but Italian resto? decent italian resto, open bar?? get real.. this doesn't come around that often. Some of my friends envied me for going to this wedding, cause they know they too would have a good time.

Again the guests complained on how there were no chairs and there were tired of wearing high heels. hmm.. yuhu.. i recalled the MC announcing numerous times that there are tables and chairs outside (for smokers) and upstairs. Plus, there were a bar and a bar stool.  Look around much?

3. The Bride and Groom
Now this would be what i called typical Indo commnet, not just Indo-chinese. They would say something like this: "hmm i believe the previous boyfriend was more handsome" or "eeekkhh i prefer the previous girlfriend" or "OMG look at the make-up, it's so last year" or "the dress could be use for curtains".

4. The Questions for Singles
A slight derogation to the focus of the wedding, this is just something ordinary in any Indo or probably any wedding. A question asked to those supposedly miserable singles "when will you tie the knot?" or "what are you waiting for?" or "your wedding next month".

5. The Guess
You can hear and see people wander the room to check who is there and who is not there and continue to ponder on why he/she is or is not there. Thus, make comments as to why one close to the heart (in their opinion) or one close to home (speaking demography) is not invited.

The story between the lines are these:
We often forget that it is not our wedding, regardless of what culture we are in (be aware that im not a big fan of ridiculous proceedings), weddings are about those being tied in holy matrimony. It may also be a celebration for parents who have been raising them, but the star of the show is the bride and groom. When you are the star, the odds are ,most of the time, things are going to be decorated, tailored and presented in a way that suits your preference and not others - family or not, chinese or not.
So dont be baffled by the fact the things does not suit your preferred dietary restriction, the fact that people do stay and drink till they drop, the fact that you dont like any of the things being served does not matter, it's their show.

Again, it is THEIR wedding. As much as I want to invite the whole world, and pick a venue that can fit the whole world, it is not ours to say, it;s theirs, the bride and groom. All decisions I believed has be tailored to suit their financial abilities and preferred options; unless mom and dad are the ones paying :P
Unfortunately, i live in a society that needs to invite each and every one even those with the slightest connection be it blood or acquaintance. The irony is that, everyone agreed on how expensive weddings are here, and yet, even when the resources are not sufficient, they still insist to have the so-called "INDO wedding"  meaning inviting everyone within 5km radius from home and work, oh dont forget relatives whom you have never heard or seen before but surely exists cause you uncle from your father's second cousin daughter's second wife is still alive. It is believed to be extremely rude not to invite everyone but no consideration on who should be responsible to pay for it all.
Dont even think to rebutt me with the argument of "BEP" (break even point) when you invite the big guns. Meaning you might make a profit even when you invite and throw a MEGA party. Jeeezzz, weddings are not meant to be a business (maybe for Wedding organizers) but not for the bride and groom whose goal is to celebrate their love.

Last but not least, stereotypes and typical questions. I know culture, norms and habits only change slowly through a couple of hundred years, but do we really need to uphold all the ridiculous things that evolves around it just for the sake of not being the talk of the town?
I can guarantee most will say it is not an easy thing to do (being different, going against what is considered normal) but when will it change if it does not start with us?

The bottomline of my experience tonight was that why cant people do away with us being ourself? is it so hard to just ignore or even pretend that we like everything they did cause we know it meant a lot for them?
And we are expected to care about those we barely know, how is this possible, when in our daily life where all of the interactions and experiences actually matters, those so-called relatives or acquaintences are never present?
Humans dont go living their life only of memories of how their parents won the war and how his fellow platoons save their lifes, we go on living and sorting who-is-who in our life by going through life with them, not the other way around.

Let there be more weddings like this (venue, food and choice of music wise) without the miniscule, ignorant,  narrow-minded guests.

Cursed

how would one realizes that they are being cursed?

do they turn ugly? do they stumble into a mud pit accidentally? do they go broke after 2 games of poker? or do they got their heart broken? or do they just simply cant feel and be happy?

even when one feels that they are being cursed, one would think what got them cursed? what did they do to get it? what did they say? what didnt they do?

what would be worse? to always feel cursed or to suddenly realized that we are being cursed after believing that we are born with luck and blessings?

the things that i've come to feel and realize brought me to the notion that my luck cease to exist, and that i've always been cursed but i was led to believe that i was blessed.

Pertama

one of the first entertaining conclusion i came up with at my new office.

#1 whoever get a seat close to the air con (split air con) needs to be aware, you are put there for a reason. it's usually because you would most likely still be working (or waiting) by the time the central air con is turned off.

:(

end. beginning.

I have been wanting to post this piece since last year. As events occurred and as the process rolled. But i just could not do it. I have to many burden and fear of how this might turn out.

It all started with fear of doing nothing. fear of being left behind and fear of not being where i want to be. So i left and went straight to where it was comfortable, thinking that even if i got stuck there, at the very least, I chose to be there.

We make plans, the universe (or God or some prick) altered your plans.

It turns out, what I have become is nowhere near enough. A year goes by, another 6 months flies.

Throughout this journey, I enjoyed the stay, the environment, the people. I even tried all different kind of things to get me by. Old things, new things, all in the hope of finally reaching another level in life where your path is clear and that you do not need to look for anything else.

You were tempted by new opportunities, swayed with what the future holds as you venture through new horizon. But still, it was all just a phase and there is not future behind it.

At one point, I reached rock bottom. A place where i thought i would never be in. A place where nothing you do works, no matter how hard you try or fight for it.

What is even more unnerving is that you found out why all time, people pass you by, opportunities pass you by and you would be left thinking where the hell was I when all this are happening.

Up to here, I've been praised, put down, encouraged, discriminated, alienated, motivated and provoked.

I decided not to wait any longer. But i also do not know on where to go and where to start again.

The fear that i left behind came back haunting.

I decided to let everything go as it wants to go. Come what may... Que sera sera...

accompanied with persistence I tried everything.

yes. everything.

even those i said i would never tried.

i have lowered my expectations and put my ego aside. prepared of what may be.

The first attempt of an impossible scheme gave hope, as i manage to get a bit of my self-confident back, but the next phase was a bust!

The second try of an impossible scheme managed to gave me going all the way to the last battle. I said to myself, i better start writing all this down, but i still cant. the fear of dissappointment lingers causing me less and less quality sleep.

Finally, the day came. the day which made my mom doubted my achievements (although i am still waiting be convinced that this is an achievement).

I got in.

the second scheme pulls through, after being said to that if i were to get in, that i am either incredibly good, or incredibly well-connected; after having to convince myself that it may not be all that bad and that i may not be all that stupid; after having to hide the fact that i am not busy with anything except running schemes; after having to take up marketing and sales gig.

Gosh... now i can finally exhale...

Just so you know, the end of this leg of the race in my life is the beginning to a maybe dark, twisted, despicable place that i have to go through for the rest of my life.

I can only hope that I can stay sane and focus on what is important.

ps: i got a fortune cookie as i was waiting in vain for the announcement, it says

"You are offered the dream of a lifetime. Say yes!"

:P

Flight passengers: an observation

This is my observation. a mere conclusion of the attitude of people within an aircraft during my visit in 2010.

Mostly the attitude annoys me but i've made peace with it.

My conclusion is passengers from Jakarta to Sumatra are more hostile and aggressive compared to those going to cities in Java.

Example 1: PoS (Passengers going to Sumatra) never turn off their phone unless they are told by the steward/stewardess to do so. PoJ (Passengers going to Java) most of them follow the instructions. only few of PoJ waited to be told to turn off their mobile phones.

The same thing happens after landing, in a plane full of PoS, as soon as the plane touches the ground, specific mobile phone tunes roared. But with flight going to PoJ, i didnt hear any.

Example 2: Even before the plane came to a full stop, PoS would directly get up their chairs and take their bags and try to walk to the exit door. PoJ, although still tries to immediately take their bags and belongings, they at least waited until the plane has come to a full stop.

Example 3: PoJ does not push and shove you as aggressive as PoS does. But they all kinda disturb your smelling sense a bit.

I need to establish that this conclusion is not only derived from a one time going to Sumatra or Java on a plane. Among the unfortunate things I've come across this year, going places around Indonesia is the carrot.

These inconvenience might just happened because of my choice of "promo-ticket" strategy, but still, i like to think that most people have been on an airplane before and most definitely know how to go about it.

but hey... i might be wrong..

how about we incorporated field trips starting from elementary school level and up on how to behave in an aircraft: do's and don'ts!

You with me?

Culinary Hunt

During the school holidays, I bumped into many, many, many (believe me there were many) playing zones, hunt games for kids, or just games.

I started wondering.. why dont I make my own hunt.
Instead of doing the old treasure hunt (since, really, there is no more treasure. it's all been dried up just like Indo's forest and natural resources); I decided to try.. again try to make a series of culinary hunt.

the rules are simple, I give hints, you guess...
capish?

Culinary hunt #1
one of my favorite dish. definitely meat. definitely buttery...
the color of the place makes you think "what has got into him when he decided to use this one?" it makes you think of hello kitty.
too bad i gotta wait till sundown to enjoy it, nonetheless, every meal always ( and i mean always ) made my day!!

ps: for now, the hunt sits in the capital city of west java..

When we express things

in my spare time (read as avoiding and denying the reality of research proposal writing) i googled what people are doing. people namely past acquaintances, past memory, things and places of what is used to be.

then i bumped into picture that confirms newly acquired news. that it is true, people go to various length for acknowledgment and affirmation from their surroundings.

as I am also dwelling with ways to picture myself in further education, i am thinking, should i do the same? do i need to imprint my goals in real objects or places?

as for research purposes, i should, questions asking if you have any published materials hurts my eyes every time.

as for societal purposes, not today, not now.

as for you, i believe that whatever the purpose of your publication is, it would be nice to see it be done for good intentions, for once (hopefully).

ku tak tahu

at this point,

any questions directed to me will be getting this sentence as a response:

"i dont know!!"

enam belas nopember nol sembilan

something i found when i cant sleep.

im not sure on how to feel
not sure on how to respond.

but feels content that im not involved anymore.

but should i feel glad cause she's nothing?
should i feel glad cause she's miniscule?

his attitude is not of a gentleman.
you dont treat people like that.
you dont treat a lady like that, moreover when she's yours.

and for you madam, your disguise is clear as the sky on a bright day.
no matter how hard you tried to pull it off, you still save some for the rainy day.

looking forward to seeing you with no more denial for that day would be a day for truth to prevail.
dont let others suffer alongside of your being.
let them be free.
for they too deserve to have an admirer.

The Crater is not Tangkuban perahu

a trip up the hill is just what i needed.

some say i've been goofing around, but i'll say i've spending my time wisely. :P.
And also i've made this trip up the hill as one of my wish list before i say goodbye to Bandung (not that i know when this will happen :P). you can find the post here.

The road was not too bad. although there was NO signs on where to go about Kawah Putih. Fortunate for me, i got myself a rental car with a driver that knows directions. So the journey begins.

The trip took us about 2,5 - 3 hours from Bandung. This mostly depends on the traffic since you would have no choice cause you would have to pass through a road that is narrow, hectic and filled with angkot and beloved indo bikers (this would translate into simplified example of Jakarta's traffic).

The topography is mostly like driving to Puncak - heaps of twist and turns - but with more rice fields scenery instead of tea plantation. The view changed from lines of houses into rice fields and a group of trees (which name i dont know but it has skinnly thin sort-of-peeling trunk) and my driver told us we were close when see this trees.

A gate and a line of so-called transporting vehicle took us to the crater and the view was what the French would call c'est manifique!

The day ends with a nice lunch at Sindang Reret - sundanese.

Enjoy the picts peeps!!!













the company.



this should be enough for now.. :D

IMHO

the more i try to be something special, the more i see that i'm just acting like someone from your past!

in the still of the night

when asked of what i wanted right now,
i stood blank.

when asked of what i need right now,
i scream from the top of my lungs.

when asked to see what i really deserve,
i again stood blank.

a promise i cant keep

i tried but i dont think i could.

sorry...

and we're back at christmas...

a very merry xmas to all of you..
cant believe it's been a year since Melb. how i miss my days there..
a brief recap of my xmas so far..

d-day minus 2 xmas cake arrives - a good sign. dinner with the girls, although the service sucked, the company was a complete opposite - lop u pul gals!. went home and got a new purse.

d-day minus 1 Christmas eve mass - managed to secure great seats, fully air con. the night ended with great dinner with ndut and bff.

D-day splendid day, good xmas food (ndut's cooking of course), excited about dinner... went to dinner, stuffed, a brink of smile while sipping caramel machiato, the night was ruined cause bike carashed onto my car from rear, leaving me with a broken backlight, displaced bumper AND a deepening hate towards motorbike riders. seriously guys, do you really think you have nine lives?

i havent arrived at my conclusion yet, since the weekend is still ahead of me. let's just see what xmas weekend brings me.. fingers crossed.

This goes out to the (senior) ladies

I was on my way to my regular weekly basketball game with the boys, and found one amazing and exciting sight.

I found a basketball court filled with basketball players (of course) consists of senior ladies and gents. And by senior i mean those players are probably in their late 50's or early 60's.

I was like "YEE HAA" grandma!!!!

I had to sit for a while to hold my excitement and was actually entertained by their lay-ups and jump-shots. I even cheered (out loud) for them which ended up confusing them. But seriously. how often do you get to see senior's still dribbling it these days? Moreover, a bunch of senior ladies dominating a basketball court and kicking it like they didnt age at all. RARE indeed!

Come on people, lets just be reasonable, to find a basketball court filled with boys or men or grandpas can be classified as common, but grandmas? this is something else. i even find it hard to see other female players in my weekly game. this definitely made my day.

Now, dont get me wrong, i dont mean any disrespect towards them, in fact im filled with joy for knowing that even at that age, or when i am that senior one day, i can still rock a basketball court.

Too bad i didnt get a chance to take pictures. but im sure you get the gist. :)

reliving the dream

i was asked the other day, of what i want this very moment.

gotta tell ya it took me a while to get to my answer but i know what it is.

(but sorry not gonna tell you). :)

however, my writing this post still has its goals, this post is here to state and realize that i have not given up on my dreams, yet i have learned how to compromise life and its obscurities. the very action that i thought would never came to my senses.

to some, i am still the same person with the same ambition and dreams, for others (less obvious observer) i am merely not myself for i have compromised some of my strategy.



my dear friends, fear not of what i have become, but be merry for what i have come to realize; for all of you are the very flavors that lights my path.

wish list

i was going to name this post bucket list.. but i dont think that would be a wise thing. ha ha the previous movie only showed that those who has will die. and i dont think im dying soon. i believe so (God help me!!!).

so here it is... my wish list.. before i move and leave this city behind.

- perkedel bondon ==>Checked - Thanks to Gung Wa
- breakfast at cloud 9
- kawah putih
- batu karas
- wind chime

i think this should be enough (for now)..