12/02/08 3:38am
I started out by feeling hungry. Deciding whether I should make an instant noodle to stop the hunger. Instead of choosing between to make one now of sleep it off, I started thinking about friends and foes. How would one be able to differentiate them? What does the saying of sun tzu’s “keep your friends close and enemy closer” mean? I can only think of one answer to the question. which is very basic and simple. In order for you to be able to differentiate the two, they would all have to be close to you, so that you can observe them and analyze them closely. There’s no use in trying to beat an enemy that you can not see or too far to be seen and conquered. And one would not be able to call others their friend if the one is never close enough to actually show that the self is a friend.
I hate being caught up in real life. having to differ friends from foe. Why can’t life be just black and white. I like my friends and hate my foes. It turns out when you are far away from your native land, things go blur, they blend like coffee and milk in a cup. I thought I had more friends, but at the moment, I seem to realize that I do not have that many and neither hate that many people, which leaves me with me. Friendless and foeless. Though the condition was not like this before, I used to have friends around, or more likely foe’s around.
Which one is better? Having foe’s as friends or realizing that your friend is a foe? At the time being. I choose none.
G!!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
my Gay Radar
without the intention of promoting this particular tv series, i always learn a lil' bit about life after every episode i watch. Kinda sad it is that i had to see life from movies, but that's one of the way i learn about life and my rather "american english accent" (suggested by some people i've met).
it was on the scene where two people kissing each other. well two men to be exact and i just suddenly realized how i was a bit uneasy about it cause i was imagining my-recently-cute-charming-boyfriend-potential kissing another guy which makes him gay. and he is unfortunately. NO!! luckily the scene didnt last very long, so i didnt have to turn off the TV.
geez, i was so ready to try out new tricks and get back into the game of love. but look what life brings me, my man radar is not working. i dont know why. i always see the wrong guy. it's like i only see potentials in them but not the real thing.
is this another weak point of mine? or is this a sign that i would need to get to know myself better. coz clearly i cant see what i need. i see what i like, and wish that it would be what i needed in a guy. when i look back at my past, it's only filled with potential and BIG "maybe" but not the real thing.
in spite of my desperation for the one, i need to believe that my time will come. the time for me to find the one. and before that hundreds of potential guy will pass by thus i would have to brush up my radar and seek within me on what i need and want.
it was on the scene where two people kissing each other. well two men to be exact and i just suddenly realized how i was a bit uneasy about it cause i was imagining my-recently-cute-charming-boyfriend-potential kissing another guy which makes him gay. and he is unfortunately. NO!! luckily the scene didnt last very long, so i didnt have to turn off the TV.
geez, i was so ready to try out new tricks and get back into the game of love. but look what life brings me, my man radar is not working. i dont know why. i always see the wrong guy. it's like i only see potentials in them but not the real thing.
is this another weak point of mine? or is this a sign that i would need to get to know myself better. coz clearly i cant see what i need. i see what i like, and wish that it would be what i needed in a guy. when i look back at my past, it's only filled with potential and BIG "maybe" but not the real thing.
in spite of my desperation for the one, i need to believe that my time will come. the time for me to find the one. and before that hundreds of potential guy will pass by thus i would have to brush up my radar and seek within me on what i need and want.
Friday, March 28, 2008
pentingnya punya teko
dulu pertama kali ada orang datang berkunjung ke rumah ku, mereka selalu bertanya apa pentingnya beli "Jug" atau teko di sini? toh kan air minumnya melbourne tidak berbau, tidak berwarna dan tidak berasa. setiap kali ada yang bertanya.. jawaban yang bisa keluar dari mulut ku hanya "iseng aja, karena semua orang di rumah ini pake teko".
hari ini, ku bangun lebih pagi karena tidur lebih cepat dan tidak mengerjakan lagi tugas2 :D. dengan niat kembali tidur, kamar ku ada yang mengetuk2 dan membangunkan ku. oke lah, sudah saatnya bangun ini, jangan sampai nanti pusing kepala karena kebanyakan tidur. ternyata teman serumah ku ingin memberitahu bahwa air di rumah mati. dan ku bilang mana mungkin? toh 2 jam yang lalu masih bisa di pakai. dan ternyata memang mati. mati total. tidak ada air minum, air mandi, atau air untuk masak. karena di melbourne semua jenis air di rumah tangga sumbernya satu dan dipakai untuk semua.
dan ketika kulihat teko ku. airnya kosong. artinya air minum tidak ada. mulai hari ini kalau ada lagi orang datang dan bertanya alasan dibalik pembelian teko ku, jawabannya adalah "sedia air sebelum tidak ada air".
siapa sangka persoalan kecil rumah tangga di melbourne tidak terlalu jauh berbeda dengan tinggal di negara berkembang. aduh aduh.. ato mungkin diri ku saja yang selalu ketiban sial. tapi semoga service perusahaan air di sini lebih baik.
45 menit kemudian.. service nya memang jauh lebih baik. air sudah mengalir lagi. mari kita isi teko.
hari ini, ku bangun lebih pagi karena tidur lebih cepat dan tidak mengerjakan lagi tugas2 :D. dengan niat kembali tidur, kamar ku ada yang mengetuk2 dan membangunkan ku. oke lah, sudah saatnya bangun ini, jangan sampai nanti pusing kepala karena kebanyakan tidur. ternyata teman serumah ku ingin memberitahu bahwa air di rumah mati. dan ku bilang mana mungkin? toh 2 jam yang lalu masih bisa di pakai. dan ternyata memang mati. mati total. tidak ada air minum, air mandi, atau air untuk masak. karena di melbourne semua jenis air di rumah tangga sumbernya satu dan dipakai untuk semua.
dan ketika kulihat teko ku. airnya kosong. artinya air minum tidak ada. mulai hari ini kalau ada lagi orang datang dan bertanya alasan dibalik pembelian teko ku, jawabannya adalah "sedia air sebelum tidak ada air".
siapa sangka persoalan kecil rumah tangga di melbourne tidak terlalu jauh berbeda dengan tinggal di negara berkembang. aduh aduh.. ato mungkin diri ku saja yang selalu ketiban sial. tapi semoga service perusahaan air di sini lebih baik.
45 menit kemudian.. service nya memang jauh lebih baik. air sudah mengalir lagi. mari kita isi teko.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
you would always know when it's the right time
got back from Adelaide freakin early in the morning. came back to Melbourne with less sleep, revitalize for life and a news. dont get me wrong though. the trip was just what i desperately needed. to be with a friend.
things that i got back with was that, you would never know where life takes you. no matter how strategically and well-planned you goals and aims are, there are still things that happen beyond you imaginable dreams, and they usually shifts your priority and the goals that you have planned before. this does not mean that it's bad, it could end up bad, but also great. Moreover, you would always know what is the right thing to do because you just do and because it would be the time to do it.
forgive me for being vague, since i still dont have the authority to elaborate on the details. maybe later.
i always wonder, would my time come sooner or later? geez, the thought of going through major changes from what i might have planned frightened me. would i be able to deal with it? would there be someone else in the picture? most importantly would i be able to find someone?
these are all in my head. inquisition of my own life. they just wont go away. wish i get that same excitement when im doing my research. Enough said, i should be heading back to my assignments, since i am going to do easters on ANZAC's day. got no time to waste. me on tight schedule. let's see how long this will last.
things that i got back with was that, you would never know where life takes you. no matter how strategically and well-planned you goals and aims are, there are still things that happen beyond you imaginable dreams, and they usually shifts your priority and the goals that you have planned before. this does not mean that it's bad, it could end up bad, but also great. Moreover, you would always know what is the right thing to do because you just do and because it would be the time to do it.
forgive me for being vague, since i still dont have the authority to elaborate on the details. maybe later.
i always wonder, would my time come sooner or later? geez, the thought of going through major changes from what i might have planned frightened me. would i be able to deal with it? would there be someone else in the picture? most importantly would i be able to find someone?
these are all in my head. inquisition of my own life. they just wont go away. wish i get that same excitement when im doing my research. Enough said, i should be heading back to my assignments, since i am going to do easters on ANZAC's day. got no time to waste. me on tight schedule. let's see how long this will last.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
bau, ragu, lagu.
as i walked into my room i smelt a familiar perfume. definitely not mine. this was the typical smell that started to accompany my days these past weeks. not all the time, but the frequency is increasing. not really sure what this feeling im feeling now means. a friend said to enjoy what is here now and worry about the future later for no one can really tell what the future holds.
the new kid on the block. well not as such but that's just the way things are at the moment. me the new kid on the block party. dominated by narcissistic, critical, arrogant , self-serving, smart-ass crowd. i was one of them, yet now i am a greenie. it's a whole new ball game. i should cherish this moment as it provides me with a second chance to prove that my "skills" still does matter, but somehow going through the process the way i am now, doesnt really entice me that much or at least as much as it used to be. what is the matter with me? most people would beg for this opportunity, why arent i?
new tunes and beat filled my night, as i enjoyed my dinner at our usual hang-out- place-and-cheap-karaoke restaurant. didnt really do the regular play, nor did i sing the regular songs but it was fun. a whole new atmosphere arises. still amazed by how easy i can be around boys who knows how to play their musical instruments right.
in conclusion, these images kept on popping up. either things we laughed about, songs we like, movies we've seen, or the smell of the perfume it all reminds me of you. cant really let this continue. bummer.
the new kid on the block. well not as such but that's just the way things are at the moment. me the new kid on the block party. dominated by narcissistic, critical, arrogant , self-serving, smart-ass crowd. i was one of them, yet now i am a greenie. it's a whole new ball game. i should cherish this moment as it provides me with a second chance to prove that my "skills" still does matter, but somehow going through the process the way i am now, doesnt really entice me that much or at least as much as it used to be. what is the matter with me? most people would beg for this opportunity, why arent i?
new tunes and beat filled my night, as i enjoyed my dinner at our usual hang-out- place-and-cheap-karaoke restaurant. didnt really do the regular play, nor did i sing the regular songs but it was fun. a whole new atmosphere arises. still amazed by how easy i can be around boys who knows how to play their musical instruments right.
in conclusion, these images kept on popping up. either things we laughed about, songs we like, movies we've seen, or the smell of the perfume it all reminds me of you. cant really let this continue. bummer.
Monday, March 17, 2008
true friends
some say they come and go like the wind.
yet im lucky to say that i have some that are here to stay.
i had an argument today that contrast friends and family. the opposite opinion would suggest that true friends are nonexistent. you will end up being hurt and wounded, not the case with families. it is believed that the blood that ties you with your family member would immediately put them as the best source of aid and comfort.
understanding that what i'm about to say doesn't apply to everyone and varies based on the given person and circumstances, but this is what i conclude over the past 27 years of my existence. i am blessed to have them as my friends, whom i considered true friends. most of the time friends let you down, disappoints you and eventually betray you. nevertheless, rest assured that if you look close enough and be one, you will at least found one if not many.
as far as family goes, i agree that the blood and genetic connection is undeniable, yet the very existence and reliance on them in terms of understanding and helping in difficult times is still questionable. not everyone does it. not every one wants to.
this is where i give my friends the credit. when you are related, you would be bound to help and share or even understand, not necessarily wanting to do all of it. with friends, however, those who stayed and stood by you are those who are voluntarily and willingly want to help and understand you (and i mean real ones, not the ones with hidden agenda or looking for fringe benefits).
as much i want people to agree with me, i will let this one slide. as i discussed this issue with an average-reasonable-person, we agreed that it all goes down to notion of trust. who do you trust the most? regardless of the blood connection or probably your worst enemy, it is the hardest thing to build trust and to maintain trust.
i only wish i had the chance to conclude this argument with the above statement. but i didn't, or to be precise we didn't. the train stopped and we had to get off. leaving an argument hanging before going to bed is seen to be the worst thing that will put you off your sleep. at least for me.
yet im lucky to say that i have some that are here to stay.
i had an argument today that contrast friends and family. the opposite opinion would suggest that true friends are nonexistent. you will end up being hurt and wounded, not the case with families. it is believed that the blood that ties you with your family member would immediately put them as the best source of aid and comfort.
understanding that what i'm about to say doesn't apply to everyone and varies based on the given person and circumstances, but this is what i conclude over the past 27 years of my existence. i am blessed to have them as my friends, whom i considered true friends. most of the time friends let you down, disappoints you and eventually betray you. nevertheless, rest assured that if you look close enough and be one, you will at least found one if not many.
as far as family goes, i agree that the blood and genetic connection is undeniable, yet the very existence and reliance on them in terms of understanding and helping in difficult times is still questionable. not everyone does it. not every one wants to.
this is where i give my friends the credit. when you are related, you would be bound to help and share or even understand, not necessarily wanting to do all of it. with friends, however, those who stayed and stood by you are those who are voluntarily and willingly want to help and understand you (and i mean real ones, not the ones with hidden agenda or looking for fringe benefits).
as much i want people to agree with me, i will let this one slide. as i discussed this issue with an average-reasonable-person, we agreed that it all goes down to notion of trust. who do you trust the most? regardless of the blood connection or probably your worst enemy, it is the hardest thing to build trust and to maintain trust.
i only wish i had the chance to conclude this argument with the above statement. but i didn't, or to be precise we didn't. the train stopped and we had to get off. leaving an argument hanging before going to bed is seen to be the worst thing that will put you off your sleep. at least for me.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
all geared up
it's a new semester. past the first week, finished the 14-day job at uni, but still no sign of getting paid. wish i made a written agreement saying that i agreed to work because i was told that i would get paid, but i didnt. nothing left for me to do but hope and pray that i will get the money.
still keen on reading my reading list, keen on getting a new job, keen on talking about things i found interesting and unique and ridiculous, yet most of the time i feel like im the only one doing it. i seem to set my speed a notch higher than anyone else. i wonder was it just me, or im being left behind? meaning that people are going at the same speed, but they just dont evolve around me anymore, which means that im out of the loop. could be. fat chance that this is happening. for the time being, i refused to care or act on it. let it be. after all, my life is mine, others will be a part of it but it remains in my own territory, one simple thing that slipped my mind - that this is true.
planning to start debating again, planning to cook more and save money, planning to go to fiji on winter,planning to get an easy-well-paid part time job and planning to try out Jessup Moot Court this semester. crossing my fingers for all of that.
i did start the semester with a totally different mentality and attitude. thus planning to keep it that way throughout. lets see how far i can leap.
btw. i did not spent 29 feb to waste. i had fun. drank beer and wine. ate pork and pork again. spent the day with good companies.
missing my girls back home. wishing them all good fortune and happiness in their new journey in life. hoping that i would be there when it happen but doesnt seem to get nowhere near.
and lastly, i bought books. textbooks. amazing.
still keen on reading my reading list, keen on getting a new job, keen on talking about things i found interesting and unique and ridiculous, yet most of the time i feel like im the only one doing it. i seem to set my speed a notch higher than anyone else. i wonder was it just me, or im being left behind? meaning that people are going at the same speed, but they just dont evolve around me anymore, which means that im out of the loop. could be. fat chance that this is happening. for the time being, i refused to care or act on it. let it be. after all, my life is mine, others will be a part of it but it remains in my own territory, one simple thing that slipped my mind - that this is true.
planning to start debating again, planning to cook more and save money, planning to go to fiji on winter,planning to get an easy-well-paid part time job and planning to try out Jessup Moot Court this semester. crossing my fingers for all of that.
i did start the semester with a totally different mentality and attitude. thus planning to keep it that way throughout. lets see how far i can leap.
btw. i did not spent 29 feb to waste. i had fun. drank beer and wine. ate pork and pork again. spent the day with good companies.
missing my girls back home. wishing them all good fortune and happiness in their new journey in life. hoping that i would be there when it happen but doesnt seem to get nowhere near.
and lastly, i bought books. textbooks. amazing.
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