Salaisuus

another interesting discussion went inside my head.

"salaisuus" or we know it as "secret" in English.
i once read that the person who would rule the world in this modern era would be the one who has the power to information. the one who controls, regulates and basically owns information. the thing with my society or should i say,the indonesian community, is that we tend to talk about others or basically ramble about what everyone's doing and sadly most of the time this is considered to be an acceptable behaviour. we dont necessarily feel bad, nor rude, and we sometimes justify our act of intervention if we feel that the event or action done is disgracing or going way too far of the accepted norms. so anyway, the secret part the discussion that im thinking now has nothing to do with they way indonesian talk and intervene, or maybe there is.. it's just that im having a hard time linking it at the moment. probably because it's almost 4 am.

so focus. back to secrets. i previously assume someone that holds and knows everyone's secret would have a tremendous advantage at their end in the society and environment that he or she is involved in. so this person would hold the "joker" card of those around. and therefore this "puppet master" would control, owns and maybe even influence others behavior towards his/her will.

this was then.

Now..
i still think that knowing secrets or other valuable information about others does give one an advantage (either means that this person is trustworthy, dependable or simply just someone others turn to) in their relationship and working environment.
however, i find it a bit frustrating to be able to have all of these secrets and not being able to share or talk about it. this is probably the missing link i forgot earlier on how indonesian acts and talks about each other.

before i am totally "okay" with knowing people's secret, i realized that because i can still talk about these secrets among my trusted friends. clearly, this simple point is what is missing right now. i still have the secrets yet no friends to talk about it. i find it hard to contain all of it by myself. i need to talk about it or i'll simply go mad. this is probably the way i am, i need to talk and discuss things. those people that used to be the ones i talk to cant talk anymore, they have been warned not to talk about secrets for the sake of privacy and understanding of the friendship? i say WHAT THE F*&K??? this is not fair. especially when the ones asking for this specific provisions are those who usually talk and tease.

i find it redundant to actually know all the secrets and not be able to talk about them in any manner. simply ridiculous. im still human, i think, analyze, assume and conclude events-especially secrets. what is the point of forcing a provision when the person asking for these are not doing it? it's double standard.

confused? i may not make much sense, since im sleepy, but in short the joy and advantages of having secrets dissapears when a person that is usually pretty keen in talking about it ask for a provision to be exempted from the talks just because that person doesnt feel like being the topic of the discussion, and also politely command others to not talk about it for the sake of their friendship. selfish i say.

it drives me crazy knowing all these things, and not being able to discuss it with anyone. i just cant. i may not the person you go to for your problem-solving-girl at the moment, but i dont care. IT JUST DRIVES ME CRAZY.

i still believe some things are better left unsaid. but not juicy secrets as topic of discussion about someone who is constantly teasing and poking on people's life yet still highly believes that every one's privacy should be respected and honoured (a.k.a. to be left alone).