social butterfly

a very interesting afternoon chat with a friend led to the comment that i am perceived as a social butterfly to some.

social butterfly (dictionary.reference.com) means: a very sociable person who flits from one social event to another.

it is said that my social and networking skills are the most obvious of all and this is suppose to be an advantage for me since im getting whole lot of new networks and meet new people easily while others might find it hard to engage and sociably interact with new surroundings.

as a habit, i again ask my all-time online buddy, buncit, if this was true. am i like this? she came up with answer that is diplomatic in my opinion, mainly because it was labour day there and she was in a hurry to go to a party. so she said that i can be but not all the time. explanations were omitted cause she left.

what bothers me the most is that, how come i dont feel the advantages of this particular expertise in my life? or at least this last year of my life. i came across major difficulties in engaging with people and most importantly the people that i think might have the potential to be important in my life.

it is not a matter of me not being able to meet new people and talk to them over drinks and beer. i can still survive that particular conversation, BUT, the next step is what's missing. everytime i find someone im interested in, thus i develop the desire to engage more, so that i can get to know more, i got stuck.

at one point i was so frustrated that i had to just stay silent was not able to provide any reply or feedback. what is wrong with me?

some argue that i am this "social butterffly" yet i am not so sure that i am. or at least at the time being, i cant feel the effect of being one. or am i exactly one? social butterfly, one who flits from one social event to another may not necessarily constitute any in-depth engagement with people. just someone who hop on and off parties and functions without building the sense of belonging and attachment with any group. if this is the case, i am one and im suffering because of it.

i want an in-depth engagement with those i see as potential-future-longlasting element to my life. how do i get it?