Satu lagi pertanda bahwa saya ini suka sekali menunda2 pekerjaan dan kewajiban.
Pertanyaan2 di bawah ini adalah pertanyaan dari bulletin board di FS. tapi karena gengsi kl ngisi juga di FS, tapi tetap tergoda untuk mengisi, maka di buat lah di sini. :D
1. Lagu pertama yg lo dengerin hari ini?
* lupa..
2. Lagu yg lagi lo dengerin sekarang?
* Bob Marley and the Wailers - Get Up Stand Up
3. Lagu yg bikin mood lo down?
* Glen Fredly - Januari
4. Lagu yg bikin lo semangat?
* Muse - Starlight
5. Lagu yg pengen lo kasi ke seseorang?
* atas usul bowok, lagunya Afgan. Judulnya gak tauk tapi ada something about your smile.
6. Lagu yg ngebuat lo inget mantan lo?
* Boyz II Men - Seasons of Love
* Adam Sandler - Grow old with you (yeah rite!!!!)
* Peter Pan - Mungkin Nanti (haha so lame but so true!!!)
7. Lagu yang lagi sering lo denger?
* Andra and the BackBone - Surrender
8. Lagu yg pengen lo nyanyiin berdua sama pacar lo nanti?
* Dewa 19 - Aku Milikmu
9. Lagu yg ngegambarin keadaan lo 2 minggu yg lalu?
* TLC - waterfalls
10. Lagu yang lagi lo cari cari dari dulu?
* Xavier Rudd - any of his songs
11. Lagu sepanjang masa?
* E17 - Each Time
12. Lagu sedih yg ngebuat lo bangkit?
* Glen Fredly - Tega
13. Lagu buat keluarga lo?
* Will Smith - Just the two of us
14. Lagu buat temen temen lo?
* Ello - Pergi Untuk Kembali
15. Lagu yg mewakili perasaan lo sekarang?
* Coldplay - Fix you
16. Lagu masa SD lo?
* 4 Non Blondes - What's up
17. Lagu masa SMP lo?
* Green Day - When i come around
18. Lagu yg bisa buat lo jingrak jingrakan?
* Arrested Development - Honeymoon Day
19. Lagu buat someone special?
* i can skip this one for now
20. Lagu yg ngebuat lo percaya kalo suatu hari nanti lo akan mempunyai
kebahagian bersama mantan lo?
* hmmm.. gak ada kayanya yah.. yang sudah berlalu.. biarlah berlalu
21. Lagu remake yg paling keren menurut lo?
* setuju sama aka Cake - I Will Survive
22. Lagu masa SMA lo?
* Gigi - Ku ingin
23. Lagu yg mengingatkan lo pada masa indah lo?
* /Rif - Radja, Bunga
24. Lagu yg ada di special moment lo?
* Andre Hehanusa - KKEB
25. Lagu sountrack film yg paling bagus?
* The Wonders - That thing you do, All my only dreams
* Dream Girls - Dreamgirls
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Ketika tiada kata yang bisa menggambarkan apa yang ku rasakan
hehehe..
setelah di sadari, hanya ada satu posting blog ku yang berbahasa indo. maka ku buat lah satu lagi.
kali ini posting nya gak akan panjang panjang. karena intinya memang singkat.
jadi karena peristiwa hidup dan pengalaman ku yang hampir setahun di melbourne ini begitu mengesankan. aku terjebak dalam kebisuan, karena tidak bisa mengungkapkan apa yang ku rasakan dengan kata kata.
i know the next thing im gonna say is gonna be cheesy, but it is true. setelah menonton DVD hasil paksaan dan bujukan seorang teman, gue akhirnya menemukan kata kata yang bisa menggambarkan dengan jelas perasaan gue. simpel saja kalimatnya, dan bunyinya seperti ini:
"i am no longer treated like shit because i know how to manipulate people in my relationship. but what is the use of being good at manipulating people to your needs when you can no longer have an honest relationship. it is just not worth it"
persis seperti apa yang kurasakan.
apa gunanya bisa mendapatkan segalanya ketika tidak ada lagi kejujuran di dalamnya.
setelah di sadari, hanya ada satu posting blog ku yang berbahasa indo. maka ku buat lah satu lagi.
kali ini posting nya gak akan panjang panjang. karena intinya memang singkat.
jadi karena peristiwa hidup dan pengalaman ku yang hampir setahun di melbourne ini begitu mengesankan. aku terjebak dalam kebisuan, karena tidak bisa mengungkapkan apa yang ku rasakan dengan kata kata.
i know the next thing im gonna say is gonna be cheesy, but it is true. setelah menonton DVD hasil paksaan dan bujukan seorang teman, gue akhirnya menemukan kata kata yang bisa menggambarkan dengan jelas perasaan gue. simpel saja kalimatnya, dan bunyinya seperti ini:
"i am no longer treated like shit because i know how to manipulate people in my relationship. but what is the use of being good at manipulating people to your needs when you can no longer have an honest relationship. it is just not worth it"
persis seperti apa yang kurasakan.
apa gunanya bisa mendapatkan segalanya ketika tidak ada lagi kejujuran di dalamnya.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
social butterfly
a very interesting afternoon chat with a friend led to the comment that i am perceived as a social butterfly to some.
social butterfly (dictionary.reference.com) means: a very sociable person who flits from one social event to another.
it is said that my social and networking skills are the most obvious of all and this is suppose to be an advantage for me since im getting whole lot of new networks and meet new people easily while others might find it hard to engage and sociably interact with new surroundings.
as a habit, i again ask my all-time online buddy, buncit, if this was true. am i like this? she came up with answer that is diplomatic in my opinion, mainly because it was labour day there and she was in a hurry to go to a party. so she said that i can be but not all the time. explanations were omitted cause she left.
what bothers me the most is that, how come i dont feel the advantages of this particular expertise in my life? or at least this last year of my life. i came across major difficulties in engaging with people and most importantly the people that i think might have the potential to be important in my life.
it is not a matter of me not being able to meet new people and talk to them over drinks and beer. i can still survive that particular conversation, BUT, the next step is what's missing. everytime i find someone im interested in, thus i develop the desire to engage more, so that i can get to know more, i got stuck.
at one point i was so frustrated that i had to just stay silent was not able to provide any reply or feedback. what is wrong with me?
some argue that i am this "social butterffly" yet i am not so sure that i am. or at least at the time being, i cant feel the effect of being one. or am i exactly one? social butterfly, one who flits from one social event to another may not necessarily constitute any in-depth engagement with people. just someone who hop on and off parties and functions without building the sense of belonging and attachment with any group. if this is the case, i am one and im suffering because of it.
i want an in-depth engagement with those i see as potential-future-longlasting element to my life. how do i get it?
social butterfly (dictionary.reference.com) means: a very sociable person who flits from one social event to another.
it is said that my social and networking skills are the most obvious of all and this is suppose to be an advantage for me since im getting whole lot of new networks and meet new people easily while others might find it hard to engage and sociably interact with new surroundings.
as a habit, i again ask my all-time online buddy, buncit, if this was true. am i like this? she came up with answer that is diplomatic in my opinion, mainly because it was labour day there and she was in a hurry to go to a party. so she said that i can be but not all the time. explanations were omitted cause she left.
what bothers me the most is that, how come i dont feel the advantages of this particular expertise in my life? or at least this last year of my life. i came across major difficulties in engaging with people and most importantly the people that i think might have the potential to be important in my life.
it is not a matter of me not being able to meet new people and talk to them over drinks and beer. i can still survive that particular conversation, BUT, the next step is what's missing. everytime i find someone im interested in, thus i develop the desire to engage more, so that i can get to know more, i got stuck.
at one point i was so frustrated that i had to just stay silent was not able to provide any reply or feedback. what is wrong with me?
some argue that i am this "social butterffly" yet i am not so sure that i am. or at least at the time being, i cant feel the effect of being one. or am i exactly one? social butterfly, one who flits from one social event to another may not necessarily constitute any in-depth engagement with people. just someone who hop on and off parties and functions without building the sense of belonging and attachment with any group. if this is the case, i am one and im suffering because of it.
i want an in-depth engagement with those i see as potential-future-longlasting element to my life. how do i get it?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
things i learned from easters
these are several things that i came across on my anzac weekend-getaway-while-joining-a-debate-competition yet again.
numero uno: i am older. i no longer share the passionate and excitement of joining, being and wanting to win a debate competition. i seem to have passed my golden era in debating. maybe im just making excuses since i was not able to break into the final rounds nor give my very best performance. or maybe i am just over it.
two: assume everyone is taken. considering previous precedent of falling for a gay dude, i came across trying to have fun and got something that is a complete failure. i realized that it is within my best interest to assume and believe that every cute and nice guy is taken. therefore, no speculations and expectations on will-something-happen-between-us idea.
three: some people are just born to be annoying. no matter how hard you try to understand and accept them. they are just that. no need to do a psychoanalysis on it. people choose their own way of living and sometimes it is just repulsive. so deal with it.
four: the im-drunk-n-safe-me trick doest work in OZ. they get drunk all the time, pretending to be tipsy in the hope of getting some "action" doesnt work. simply because they are all taken and you might not be that drunk to just pick any random guy.
five: it is useless to constantly compare your new hangout buddies with your best friends. they will never exceed you expectations, in fact, they will never be able to see you the way your best friends have. the ones you have is the best and will always be the best. this new developing relationship might have the potential to be but will never be the same in any shape or form.
six: i dont necessarily tell people that i am involved in a debating community, not even my closest friends, and i am pretty good at it. most of the time i did it because people see this community as an elitist community with snobs that speaks english all the time. second, because i prefer the public to know this by reputation instead of me bragging about it. it just sounds a lot better when someone else is saying it.
numero uno: i am older. i no longer share the passionate and excitement of joining, being and wanting to win a debate competition. i seem to have passed my golden era in debating. maybe im just making excuses since i was not able to break into the final rounds nor give my very best performance. or maybe i am just over it.
two: assume everyone is taken. considering previous precedent of falling for a gay dude, i came across trying to have fun and got something that is a complete failure. i realized that it is within my best interest to assume and believe that every cute and nice guy is taken. therefore, no speculations and expectations on will-something-happen-between-us idea.
three: some people are just born to be annoying. no matter how hard you try to understand and accept them. they are just that. no need to do a psychoanalysis on it. people choose their own way of living and sometimes it is just repulsive. so deal with it.
four: the im-drunk-n-safe-me trick doest work in OZ. they get drunk all the time, pretending to be tipsy in the hope of getting some "action" doesnt work. simply because they are all taken and you might not be that drunk to just pick any random guy.
five: it is useless to constantly compare your new hangout buddies with your best friends. they will never exceed you expectations, in fact, they will never be able to see you the way your best friends have. the ones you have is the best and will always be the best. this new developing relationship might have the potential to be but will never be the same in any shape or form.
six: i dont necessarily tell people that i am involved in a debating community, not even my closest friends, and i am pretty good at it. most of the time i did it because people see this community as an elitist community with snobs that speaks english all the time. second, because i prefer the public to know this by reputation instead of me bragging about it. it just sounds a lot better when someone else is saying it.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Salaisuus
another interesting discussion went inside my head.
"salaisuus" or we know it as "secret" in English.
i once read that the person who would rule the world in this modern era would be the one who has the power to information. the one who controls, regulates and basically owns information. the thing with my society or should i say,the indonesian community, is that we tend to talk about others or basically ramble about what everyone's doing and sadly most of the time this is considered to be an acceptable behaviour. we dont necessarily feel bad, nor rude, and we sometimes justify our act of intervention if we feel that the event or action done is disgracing or going way too far of the accepted norms. so anyway, the secret part the discussion that im thinking now has nothing to do with they way indonesian talk and intervene, or maybe there is.. it's just that im having a hard time linking it at the moment. probably because it's almost 4 am.
so focus. back to secrets. i previously assume someone that holds and knows everyone's secret would have a tremendous advantage at their end in the society and environment that he or she is involved in. so this person would hold the "joker" card of those around. and therefore this "puppet master" would control, owns and maybe even influence others behavior towards his/her will.
this was then.
Now..
i still think that knowing secrets or other valuable information about others does give one an advantage (either means that this person is trustworthy, dependable or simply just someone others turn to) in their relationship and working environment.
however, i find it a bit frustrating to be able to have all of these secrets and not being able to share or talk about it. this is probably the missing link i forgot earlier on how indonesian acts and talks about each other.
before i am totally "okay" with knowing people's secret, i realized that because i can still talk about these secrets among my trusted friends. clearly, this simple point is what is missing right now. i still have the secrets yet no friends to talk about it. i find it hard to contain all of it by myself. i need to talk about it or i'll simply go mad. this is probably the way i am, i need to talk and discuss things. those people that used to be the ones i talk to cant talk anymore, they have been warned not to talk about secrets for the sake of privacy and understanding of the friendship? i say WHAT THE F*&K??? this is not fair. especially when the ones asking for this specific provisions are those who usually talk and tease.
i find it redundant to actually know all the secrets and not be able to talk about them in any manner. simply ridiculous. im still human, i think, analyze, assume and conclude events-especially secrets. what is the point of forcing a provision when the person asking for these are not doing it? it's double standard.
confused? i may not make much sense, since im sleepy, but in short the joy and advantages of having secrets dissapears when a person that is usually pretty keen in talking about it ask for a provision to be exempted from the talks just because that person doesnt feel like being the topic of the discussion, and also politely command others to not talk about it for the sake of their friendship. selfish i say.
it drives me crazy knowing all these things, and not being able to discuss it with anyone. i just cant. i may not the person you go to for your problem-solving-girl at the moment, but i dont care. IT JUST DRIVES ME CRAZY.
i still believe some things are better left unsaid. but not juicy secrets as topic of discussion about someone who is constantly teasing and poking on people's life yet still highly believes that every one's privacy should be respected and honoured (a.k.a. to be left alone).
"salaisuus" or we know it as "secret" in English.
i once read that the person who would rule the world in this modern era would be the one who has the power to information. the one who controls, regulates and basically owns information. the thing with my society or should i say,the indonesian community, is that we tend to talk about others or basically ramble about what everyone's doing and sadly most of the time this is considered to be an acceptable behaviour. we dont necessarily feel bad, nor rude, and we sometimes justify our act of intervention if we feel that the event or action done is disgracing or going way too far of the accepted norms. so anyway, the secret part the discussion that im thinking now has nothing to do with they way indonesian talk and intervene, or maybe there is.. it's just that im having a hard time linking it at the moment. probably because it's almost 4 am.
so focus. back to secrets. i previously assume someone that holds and knows everyone's secret would have a tremendous advantage at their end in the society and environment that he or she is involved in. so this person would hold the "joker" card of those around. and therefore this "puppet master" would control, owns and maybe even influence others behavior towards his/her will.
this was then.
Now..
i still think that knowing secrets or other valuable information about others does give one an advantage (either means that this person is trustworthy, dependable or simply just someone others turn to) in their relationship and working environment.
however, i find it a bit frustrating to be able to have all of these secrets and not being able to share or talk about it. this is probably the missing link i forgot earlier on how indonesian acts and talks about each other.
before i am totally "okay" with knowing people's secret, i realized that because i can still talk about these secrets among my trusted friends. clearly, this simple point is what is missing right now. i still have the secrets yet no friends to talk about it. i find it hard to contain all of it by myself. i need to talk about it or i'll simply go mad. this is probably the way i am, i need to talk and discuss things. those people that used to be the ones i talk to cant talk anymore, they have been warned not to talk about secrets for the sake of privacy and understanding of the friendship? i say WHAT THE F*&K??? this is not fair. especially when the ones asking for this specific provisions are those who usually talk and tease.
i find it redundant to actually know all the secrets and not be able to talk about them in any manner. simply ridiculous. im still human, i think, analyze, assume and conclude events-especially secrets. what is the point of forcing a provision when the person asking for these are not doing it? it's double standard.
confused? i may not make much sense, since im sleepy, but in short the joy and advantages of having secrets dissapears when a person that is usually pretty keen in talking about it ask for a provision to be exempted from the talks just because that person doesnt feel like being the topic of the discussion, and also politely command others to not talk about it for the sake of their friendship. selfish i say.
it drives me crazy knowing all these things, and not being able to discuss it with anyone. i just cant. i may not the person you go to for your problem-solving-girl at the moment, but i dont care. IT JUST DRIVES ME CRAZY.
i still believe some things are better left unsaid. but not juicy secrets as topic of discussion about someone who is constantly teasing and poking on people's life yet still highly believes that every one's privacy should be respected and honoured (a.k.a. to be left alone).
Thursday, April 17, 2008
thoughts in february
12/02/08 3:38am
I started out by feeling hungry. Deciding whether I should make an instant noodle to stop the hunger. Instead of choosing between to make one now of sleep it off, I started thinking about friends and foes. How would one be able to differentiate them? What does the saying of sun tzu’s “keep your friends close and enemy closer” mean? I can only think of one answer to the question. which is very basic and simple. In order for you to be able to differentiate the two, they would all have to be close to you, so that you can observe them and analyze them closely. There’s no use in trying to beat an enemy that you can not see or too far to be seen and conquered. And one would not be able to call others their friend if the one is never close enough to actually show that the self is a friend.
I hate being caught up in real life. having to differ friends from foe. Why can’t life be just black and white. I like my friends and hate my foes. It turns out when you are far away from your native land, things go blur, they blend like coffee and milk in a cup. I thought I had more friends, but at the moment, I seem to realize that I do not have that many and neither hate that many people, which leaves me with me. Friendless and foeless. Though the condition was not like this before, I used to have friends around, or more likely foe’s around.
Which one is better? Having foe’s as friends or realizing that your friend is a foe? At the time being. I choose none.
G!!
I started out by feeling hungry. Deciding whether I should make an instant noodle to stop the hunger. Instead of choosing between to make one now of sleep it off, I started thinking about friends and foes. How would one be able to differentiate them? What does the saying of sun tzu’s “keep your friends close and enemy closer” mean? I can only think of one answer to the question. which is very basic and simple. In order for you to be able to differentiate the two, they would all have to be close to you, so that you can observe them and analyze them closely. There’s no use in trying to beat an enemy that you can not see or too far to be seen and conquered. And one would not be able to call others their friend if the one is never close enough to actually show that the self is a friend.
I hate being caught up in real life. having to differ friends from foe. Why can’t life be just black and white. I like my friends and hate my foes. It turns out when you are far away from your native land, things go blur, they blend like coffee and milk in a cup. I thought I had more friends, but at the moment, I seem to realize that I do not have that many and neither hate that many people, which leaves me with me. Friendless and foeless. Though the condition was not like this before, I used to have friends around, or more likely foe’s around.
Which one is better? Having foe’s as friends or realizing that your friend is a foe? At the time being. I choose none.
G!!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
my Gay Radar
without the intention of promoting this particular tv series, i always learn a lil' bit about life after every episode i watch. Kinda sad it is that i had to see life from movies, but that's one of the way i learn about life and my rather "american english accent" (suggested by some people i've met).
it was on the scene where two people kissing each other. well two men to be exact and i just suddenly realized how i was a bit uneasy about it cause i was imagining my-recently-cute-charming-boyfriend-potential kissing another guy which makes him gay. and he is unfortunately. NO!! luckily the scene didnt last very long, so i didnt have to turn off the TV.
geez, i was so ready to try out new tricks and get back into the game of love. but look what life brings me, my man radar is not working. i dont know why. i always see the wrong guy. it's like i only see potentials in them but not the real thing.
is this another weak point of mine? or is this a sign that i would need to get to know myself better. coz clearly i cant see what i need. i see what i like, and wish that it would be what i needed in a guy. when i look back at my past, it's only filled with potential and BIG "maybe" but not the real thing.
in spite of my desperation for the one, i need to believe that my time will come. the time for me to find the one. and before that hundreds of potential guy will pass by thus i would have to brush up my radar and seek within me on what i need and want.
it was on the scene where two people kissing each other. well two men to be exact and i just suddenly realized how i was a bit uneasy about it cause i was imagining my-recently-cute-charming-boyfriend-potential kissing another guy which makes him gay. and he is unfortunately. NO!! luckily the scene didnt last very long, so i didnt have to turn off the TV.
geez, i was so ready to try out new tricks and get back into the game of love. but look what life brings me, my man radar is not working. i dont know why. i always see the wrong guy. it's like i only see potentials in them but not the real thing.
is this another weak point of mine? or is this a sign that i would need to get to know myself better. coz clearly i cant see what i need. i see what i like, and wish that it would be what i needed in a guy. when i look back at my past, it's only filled with potential and BIG "maybe" but not the real thing.
in spite of my desperation for the one, i need to believe that my time will come. the time for me to find the one. and before that hundreds of potential guy will pass by thus i would have to brush up my radar and seek within me on what i need and want.
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